At least I can still say leather bustier

A couple of years ago, my friend Chris told me I don't smell like anything. Angeles smells like something and Kristina smells like something, but I am completely odorless.

At the time I had a nose ring - who needs an odor? I've got a nose ring - that'll make me different. But it turns out that no one ever noticed I had a nose ring and it definitely didn't stand out in any way shape or form. Plus, I had to pull it out for a mock trial tournament and it got caught and I was in a hurry, so I just had to pull really hard. It hurt like a crazy mo'fo and I swore that my nose ring days were over.

Then last winter I had this freakish bump on my thumb nail. I thought it was cool, though others disagreed. Regardless, I couldn't name a single other person who had one. But then it grew out and now my nails are completely normal and nondescript.

So I've got nothin. Nothin that makes me stand out one bit from the other medium-height people out there with medium-length hair and of medium-intelligence.

Well...... that's not entirely true - there's one thing. Once a lady commented to me in a bookstore that I sound just like that girl on the identity theft commercials (you know, the one that's a voice over for the guy with the big belly in the wife beater). She begged and begged me to say "leather bustier (pronounced boustiay)" for her. So I did what any other rational human being who is being told they sound like a ridiculous valley girl recognized only for her insanely high pitched and obnoxious voice. I looked that woman straight in the face, made the meanest, nastiest scowl I could muster, spit on the ground to look more intimidating, and told her she could take her leather bustiers and shove them where the sun does not shine.

Or at least I wanted to.