Drum roll please...

I finished the Bar Exam!!!!

I don't feel like I deserve to fail, but I don't quite feel like I deserve to pass either. It's been a roller coaster for three days, and now I'm numb.

To kick start the emotions again, more drum roll please....

I'm going to Africa for a year!!!! I leave at the end of August, and I'm going to volunteer teach in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, while also volunteering in a care center for HIV+ orphans. TOTALLY. STOKED. TOTALLY. TERRIFIED.

Which means it's time to say goodbye to this blog for a while. This is the last blog entry I plan to have on blogspot for at least the next year. If you feel like following my adventures in Africa, you'll have to go here.

If I weren't so bad at goodbyes, I'd make this post a little more sentimental. But growing up a child of divorced long-distance parents has made me really awkward and uncomfortable with goodbyes. So let's leave it at this: I'll see you July of 2010!

Uncle John’s Parting Words of Wisdom

Make sure you get a good night’s sleep because “if your mind is clear, the sh*t will flow.”

See you on the other side of the bar exam!

4 days from today I start the bar exam.
1 week from today I'll be done with the bar exam.

I can't sleep without having nightmares about the bar exam.

I have exciting news about the lengths I've gone to for the purpose of finding a direction for my blog. That'll be released as soon as the bar is over...stay tuned!

Who's Counting?

$968.00.... Hotel for 4 nights for the duration of the bar exam
$245.00.... Flight to and from San Francisco for the bar exam
$60.00.... Cost of the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam
$648.00.... Cost to register for the California Bar Exam
$92.00.... Cost to register for the California Bar
$431.00.... Cost to register for the Moral Character Determination
$3,982.50.... Cost of Bar Review Course for California
$1,250.00.... Cost of the iPod version of Bar Review Course (to study from Denver)

Total: $7,676.50

Waiting from July 29 until November 20 to get my score.... PRICELESS (not in a good way)
Passing the California Bar on the First Try.... PRICELESS (in a good way)

T - 20 days

Back to the grind.

This cover is giving me the post-holiday blues, but I think it's worth sharing anyway. Normally, I really like Greg Laswell, but if I don't switch to more upbeat music soon, I might not make it through to the bar (T - 22 days!!!).

Summer of Transition

I opened a new checking account today. This makes me feel like I'm starting a new chapter of my life. I know, I know. Graduation from professional school? No sweat. Studying for the biggest exam of my life? Eh, whatev. Opening a new checking account? HOLY COW, Bagel! You're clearly up to big things these days!

In any case, now that I won't be in school anymore, I feel like this blog needs a new direction. Most blogs have a focus, and mine is sorely lacking. The obvious focus is, well, me. But yawn! "Me" in the spotlight is not so fun. Me + direction might actually keep some readers next year.

Here are examples of direction based on some of the blogs I read:

1. Adoption Blogs:
My Fav, of course, Party of 5

2. Cooking Blogs:
The Pioneer Woman

3. Being General Badass Blogs:
i hate so much, A Traveler's Notebook, Why Mom Drinks Rum

4. Boy Drama Blogs:
Hi Lynn!, The Pioneer Woman: From Black Heels to Tractor Wheels

5. Photography Blogs:
The Pioneer Woman (have I mentioned how I love her?), Stephanie Williams Photography, Inspired By This

Clearly, I'm lacking a theme. If anyone has suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. Otherwise, stay tuned. I'll try and come up with one by the end of summer.

Dear Bagel:

You save too many emails. It's a problem. Especially when you have to switch from a student account to an alumni account and you think it's a good idea to transfer ALL of your messages.

Don't do that again. It will freeze your computer, and it will deliver each and every sent and saved message of the last three years to your inbox. After downloading messages for hours, you will have over 3000 messages to sort through with less than half the messages downloaded.

Stupid, stupid Bagel. Please reform your ways.

Love,
Me

Random Elements of My Life

Some of the more exciting parts of my life these days...

Pixar went and made a movie about my Uncle John:


My mother owns the creepiest looking candy jar you've ever seen in your life:


I've resisted the TLC pull for many years now, but this summer I'm failing! First, I watched the John & Kate + 8 season premiere to kick off life post-affair. Then, I picked up the show Cake Boss, all about an Italian family in New Jersey who makes really kick ass cakes. But last night I may have found my hook. This show is sure to keep me coming back to TLC for at least the rest of summer:


If nothing else, it's worth it to see more about the religious couples who won't hold hands till engaged or kiss until married. *LOVE* this show!

Why Studying for the Bar from Home Is Fun

Me: I don't want to write this essay.

Michelle: I'll write it for you!

Miss Kitty: It's on torts.

Michelle: Those taste good on ice cream.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles

I’m listening to a bar review lecture on my iPod and the lecturer is making a reference to the Chinese proverb: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” The lecturer set the end of the journey as becoming a licensed attorney and traces the journey back to the beginning of law school. He is lecturing about getting rid of “excess baggage” on this last leg of the trip. “Let law school go.”

Easy for him to say. I’m still finishing up my law journal (with the much appreciated help of Christina!) and even though the end is very, very close, the last two weeks have been unbelievably frustrating. Each step takes five times as long as I think it will, and I had to delay my flight back to Denver and delay the start of my bar review course (lucky for me it’s on a iPod so I can recover the lost time). Every delay causes more anxiety about what I should be working on and am delaying. But I digress…

The reason I’m writing this blog entry was that the constant references to journeying and quests is leading to some very vivid imagery. I’m picturing myself engaging in a 2-month battle against “the enemy” – the bar examiners. In this imagery, I have purple hair, I’m wearing a hot pink dress, I carry a sword, and when I smile, my eyes are slits that look like upside down Us.

Oh. Did I mention I’m listening to the lecture in the “Manga” section of Barnes & Noble???? I don’t know what “Manga” is, but it looks like the literary version of anime, and it is making this lecture MUCH more colorful.

My Most Creative Graduation Gift

Below is my graduation gift from Peggy, my 12-year-old cousin... (in case you can't tell, that's me on the cover of the card ;>)




Dear, Megan [We need to work on punctuation]
Megan we are so happy for you. We were even looking for you on T.V., when Obama gave his speech, we could not find you. Selena [Peggy's 10-year-old sister] and I were wondering if you would like to go to Elitches [sic] with us like sort of like a craduation [sic] party with only us 3. We could go on all the rides you want to go on.
Love,
Peggy

I wonder if she would have been so generous had she known that I don't like roller coasters?!?!

Cheesy Last Day Montage.

Live Blogging, the Final Final!

This final is kind of a joke and is open-book AND open-internet. So I've decided to live blog it.**

8:42 am. MOTHERLOAD! Free dum dums in the lounge. I stole all the cream soda dum dums. This is going to be a fun final.

8:54 am. No one seems too concerned. Lynn is chatting about her job offer from yesterday (YAY!). Becky is in the corner discussing America's Next Top Model.

8:59 am. The color of the day is teal. Three girls sitting in front of me, each with some variation of teal somewhere on their bodies.

9:05 am. Just got back from the room where the exams are handed out. Noticed Kendall, my arch nemesis, wearing a blindingly white button down shirt. I judged.

9:06 am. Sentimental moment for my last scantron sheet of all time.

9:14 am. 5 multiple choice questions down. Opened my first dum dum.

9:19 am. Used my outline for the first time on Question 6. Bit through my first dum dum, but got a nasty glare from the front row. Need to chew more quietly in the future.

9:21 am. "Use the following illustration" - this is one ugly illustration. No color, no pictures, no rainbows. Laaaaaame.

9:24 am. Filled in a bubble very sloppily. Spent more time correcting the mistake than answering the question.

9:27 am. Started second dum dum. I hope no one notices that when I eat dum dums and drink from a straw, I insert the stick of the dum dum and sip with the dum dum in my mouth.

9:37 am. I've finished half the exam pages - hooray!

9:43 am. Hit the True-False section. I wonder if this will be my last True-False exam of my life???

9:50 am. Bad Decision #1 (for today) was wearing a sweater. My arms itch.

10:07 am. Finished all of the multiple choice questions. SO bored. Just want to be done. Did not make my 10 am cutoff time.

10:22 am. Non-multiple choice part of the exam DEFINITELY not as fun as the multiple choice part. Oh well.

10:36 am. Finished the non-multiple choice part, with the exception of 2 subsections that I marked to come back to later. My eyes are tired - Can't imagine how Wendoline feels after only 1 hour of sleep!!!

10:42 am. AND I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy crap - I just finished my last exam of all time!!!!!!!! No one else has finished yet, so I might chill in the room a while longer before I leave.

10:44 am. I still have three dum dums left. I think I'll save them for graduation. We'll do a lot of sitting during graduation.

10:45 am. This is quite the buzzkill for the end of my final.

10:48 am. Okay, I'm going to go turn this sucker in. You may return to your regularly scheduled programming. Have a lovely day!





**No GPAs were harmed in the posting of this blog entry. I'm enrolled in this class pass-fail, folks. It's going to be okay.

"Peace Out, Home Fries."

Today is my last. Exam. FOREVER!

Tonight is the Party to End All Parties, Part 1.

I promise an appropriately reflective/sentimental post later. In the meantime, feast your eyes on our lovely cake for tonight's party:

My Little Corner of the World, Final Finals Version

This picture was taken this morning right before I started my Federal Courts final. It shows the things that got me through every final I've taken since the start of law school. They've only got to get me through two more finals, and then it's ciao, chickies!

1. Diet Soda. I have the worst addiction to Diet Coke & Diet Dr. Pepper, thanks to law school. I didn't realize how bad it was until the day after my last final, 1L year. I didn't drink any soda because I didn't need any, or so I thought. By the afternoon, I had the worst headache of my life and I realized just how addicted I've become.

First things first this summer, I WILL get over my addiction to diet soda before it kills me.

2. My Power Cord. You might not think this is a big deal, but I can go from sane to crazy meltdown in roughly .694 seconds when I realize that I've left my power cord at home. I spend at least 4 hours a day on my computer. And for a three hour final, a power cord is a must. I bought a new power cord just to get me through this finals period.

3. My ID Card and Purple Pens. You never know when you'll need a purple pen (I used mine twice this morning), and the ID contains my all important exam number because law school has anonymous grading.

4. My Apple. I love you. I love you soooo much. You have yet to fail me during a final, and if you get me through the next week without failing, I will buy you a puppy.

5. Ear Plugs. I'm so high strung that I can't even hear other people typing during a final without panicking, just a little bit. And I'm not alone. Every other law student I know wears these puppies during finals. Can you say neurotic much?

6. The Table of Contents. Last night I got mocked for making a table of contents for my 45-page outline. But nothing is quite as satisfying as making a table of contents when I finish an outline. The table of contents makes me feel accomplished. It's the little things.

7. Erwin Chemerinsky. The man is a god and a genius and my savior, all rolled into one. His supplements taught me more than any text book ever did, even if they cost an arm & a leg. If Chemerinsky ever calls me up and says: "Dear Bagel, I want your first born child," I will say "He/she will be on your doorstep by the end of the day." And if I don't have a first born child at that time, I will steal one.

It's like that.

Big Colle once went to a concert where the group did "One Week," by Barenaked Ladies, a capella. The lead singer introduced the song by saying that it's a lot like sex... You spend days, weeks, months, maybe even years preparing and perfecting your art.

And then it's over in less than 5 minutes.



Something about my final this morning reminds me of that story. Maybe I haven't spent years on this class, and maybe I haven't even spent all the months that I should have on it, but at the very least, I've spent over 8 hours a day for the last week in a windowless room with the Dartmouth Hater preparing. I know I'll show up for the exam, get my blood pressure worked into quite the frenzy, stick my ear plugs in (NECESSITY), start working furiously and not stop for the next three hours. And when it's all said and done, I'll black out the experience for the most part and just hope to hell it went okay.

Almost like sex. ;)

Fight crazy with crazy.

Lynn's picture is famous! Check out what the Wonkette has to say about ND Crazies.

Also, the post asks readers to prank call the organization sponsoring the planes and the trucks (did I mention that they have added semi trucks parked outside Notre Dame's gates declaring Obama is Hitler??? See below for an example of their trucks.).

You throw your crazies at us, we'll throw our crazies at you.

See ya later, Crazytown!

Today was my last day of school forever!!! But it's a bittersweet ending. Of course, I couldn't celebrate the day without a healthy dose of the Crazies. Who are the Crazies? These are the Crazies!


The protests against President Obama speaking at Notre Dame's commencement are OUT. OF. CONTROL! As I type this, there is a plane with a giant banner attached to the back circling Notre Dame's campus. On the giant banner is a picture of a 10-week aborted fetus. All to protest Pres. Obama's visit. I am enraged at all the pro-life protesters destroying my graduation. They've had children carrying posters saying "Obama thinks babies are trash" and adults carrying signs saying "Would you invite Pontious Pilot after he crucified Christ?" They're trying to collect as many tickets as they can to come inside the ceremony and protest. I have spent three long, hard years at this institution and I am so angry that it makes me shake that these protesters, some of whom have commuted all the way from Wyoming!, are turning my graduation and my day of celebration into their battle site.

The timing of this plane is very convenient. Just yesterday I drafted the following post but couldn't post it due to internet complications. Lest you think the Crazies are all external to Notre Dame, I've collected a list of my top ten favorite things that Notre Dame Law School Crazies have said in the last three years...

1. "Racism doesn't exist anymore."
2. "The law just protects murders, abortionists, and unpopular minorities."
3. "Birth control is oppressive towards women."
4. "I have criticisms of de-segregation."
5. "If I want a law firm that promotes itself as the law firm with hot buxom secretaries, I should be allowed to discriminate in the hiring process so I only have to hire hot buxom women."
6. "It's a baby, stupid." [Which followed a comment or two about baby killing]
7. "Georgetown is NOT a Catholic school."
8. "I don't believe in welfare because I don't want to buy snack cakes for all the obese poor people."
9. [To a professor who confessed to the class his son is gay] "Homosexuals are an abomination."
10. And my all-time favorite, which was not vocal but VERY visible - the guy who prayed for me in class. As in, sign-of-the-cross, while-sitting-in-the-front-row praying for me.

Dear Crazies:

I won't miss you. I've learned from you, especially about how much hatred privileged, powerful individuals can have for the less fortunate. But I won't miss you. I hope someday you learn how oppressive and malicious your politics can be, because I believe they actively injure others. And if that day never comes, I just hope you don't get enough power to allow your religion to invade my uterus. In the meantime, quit praying for me. It won't get you anywhere.

Sincerely,
Bagel

Over the Moon

Today I led my last ever journal meeting with the faculty editors. Tonight we have our end-of-year dinner. And even though I still have roughly 200 pages of text to edit, and Issue 3 won't go to the printers for a week or two, I feel like the year is over.

I did it!!!!!

This is how I feel:



Since the election last February, here are the things I've accomplished:

-Innumerable panic attacks

-Threatened to fail a student

-Taught some 2Ls some stuff about this little blue book that happens to rule my life

-Mocked Christina because she can see the difference between an italicized period and a regular period with the naked eye

-Had Kansas State threaten to sue me

-Learned how to tell the difference between an italicized period and a regular period with the naked eye

-Edited 3,271 footnotes (truth. I added it up.); still have to edit 1,120 more footnotes before Issue 3 can go to press

-Cried myself to sleep the first time I realized I could see the difference between an italicized period and a regular period with the naked eye

-Sent 224 messages with subject: "The Journal of College and University Law;" sent 429 emails with "JCUL" in the subject

-Sent over 1,000 emails to Debbie (the journal secretary) or with Debbie in a CC field

Easter Update

We accomplished almost everything on the list...

Step One: South Shore Line

Step Two: Hello my favorite city!



Step Three: Lovely view from the condo.




Step Four: The dolphins never happened. :(

Step Five: Heaven in a Coors Light Pitcher!!! (a.k.a. Holy Water)



Step Six: After a quick stop at the 7Eleven to pick up supplies, we made our way to the airport...



Step Seven: We crash with Big Colle in tow. We get up early for breakfast with Big Colle's friend.



Step Eight: We made it to the Art Institute, but alas! Everything by Marc Chagall was in storage. :( (Emily, is non-flash photography as bad as your mother touching all the statues?





Step Nine: Late lunch - no tapas, but deep dish pizza instead. This picture was right after Big Colle told us some of her Landmark stories. She said she could tell we were judging by the looks on our faces. So then Lil' Hamilton and I decided to mimic each other's judgment faces (yes, I tap my nose when I'm judging you).



Step Ten: RENT!!!!! Followed by more holy water, which resulted in some sloppy drunkeness, which resulted in Big Colle and I getting into a "hair-pulling" fight. In a bar. We're that classy.




Step Eleven: Bye Bye Chicago. :(

Step Twelve: Hello B&B!

A Collage of My Weekend Plans

One of the few things I'll miss about Catholic school next year is that we get a four-day weekend for Easter. Lil' Hamilton, Big Colle, and I have big plans for this treat, even though none of us intends to celebrate Easter in the traditional sense (unless you include the Holy Water - see below). This is what I expect to do this weekend (to be followed up on Monday with pictures of what actually happened)

Step One: Hop on the South Shore Line with Lil Hamilton.



Step Two: Get off the South Shore Line in my favorite town.



Step Three: Borrow a condo in this building.



Step Four: Take Lil Hamilton to see the Dolphin Show at the Shedd Aquarium.



Step Five: Take Lil Hamilton for her first experience with Holy Water at Timothy O'Tooles. (I can't find a picture of the Holy Water I mean. For a better idea of what it entails, think of a Long Island Ice Tea, add 7 more liquors and three kinds of juices. Stir until it tastes like grapefruit juice. Enjoy!)



Step Six: Pick up Big Colle!



Step Seven: Maybe rally, maybe crash depending on the mood of this chica...



Step Eight: The Art Institute - never been there! Can't wait to see the Chagalls!!!




Step Nine: I'm crossing my fingers for the tapas bar on Halstead. Remains to be seen. I won't jinx my luck with a picture.

Step Ten: The purpose for the trip... *drumroll, please!* Taking Lil Hamilton to see Rent for her birthday! Though as it turns out, Big Colle is the only one who hasn't seen this show live already.



Step Eleven: Board the South Shore Line. Leave my favorite town. :(



Step Twelve: Go to the B&B to visit the Padre. Despite the fact that Big Colle, Lil Hamilton, and I don't celebrate Easter, the Padre's fiance is quite the crafty lady (she has to be to run a B&B!). I'm secretly hoping (as secretly as one can hope on a public blog) that she'll have an Easter egg hunt for us. I don't care if we range in age from 21-30. (Don't tell Big Colle I published her age.) We still would do a pretty kick-ass job at an Easter Egg Hunt. *crossing fingers*






HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!

Facebook Faux Pas

NONONONONONONO!

There are some things I firmly believe in:

1. Mornings are the best time of the day. Saturday mornings are the best time of the whole week.

2. Having a perm as a teenager makes one a more compassionate adult.

3. If I hadn't gone to law school, I could be as cool as this woman.

4. Christina's baby is the cutest baby in the whole state of Indiana. Fact. (I'd give you all of the Midwest, D, but I have some pretty cute baby cousins a couple of states over...)

And now add a new one to the list...

5. Facebook Status should be ELIMINATED. It has been coming for a while. Since the institution of the facebook status, it has been abused. For example, I really didn't want to know about how my friend from high school "broke up with her boyfriend because she didn't love him anymore and NOT because he cheated on her like everyone assumes." Additionally, I don't like it when I'm stuck in the middle of winter hell and I get to hear about how So-and-so is "sooooo excited to go to the Bahamas!"

But today takes the cake... Under no circumstances would I ever EVER find it appropriate for a 9-month pregnant woman to post that she is "1 cm dilated and 50% effaced!" NONONONO!

Month in Review

March was officially my worst blogging month in history. Incidentally, it was also my heaviest drinking month in history. Coincidence? I think not.

The good news is that finals are just around the corner, which means I'll be blogging like a fiend to avoid studying. The bad news is that there's no way I can catch up on a month's worth of posts and do them any justice. So you're just getting the highlights of the last month so I can move on to bigger and better blogging topics (like where I should live next year or how proud of Iowa I am).

The month started when Lil' Hamilton turned the big 2-1...

Some rarely seen Hamiltons emerged from the woodwork. Okay, so only one of these buffoons is actually a Hamilton, but ex-step-brother is just too confusing to explain. So let's call him my brother. Until he bothers you (which he is prone to do). Then I've never met him before.

The highlights of Lil' Hamilton's party are all included in this picture: (a) more Yahoos than we know what to do with, (b) dancing, (c) lots of pinkness, (d) the Birthday Girl (see the outgrowth from Hannah's armpit - that's my sister!), and (e) my favorite part of the party, the Bubble Machine! (I used to affectionately call him B.M. But B.M. are just unfortunate initials so we'll quit with that.)

Next in March came a trip to Nebraska, where I got...

Nope, that's not a fleck of dirt on the side of my nose. It's what the Yahoos refer to as my "ice on the side." Over break, I got the email asking me to defer my start date at the firm for a year, and I figured I might as well celebrate the fact that it looks like no one will want me acting professional for the next year.

Also, the thing I love about my family, is if you put forth the effort to get to Nebraska to see them, then they'll throw a party in your honor: (I still don't have the pictures of this event, but you get the idea)



I came back to school renewed by some serious Wanser lovin'. Just in time for Lil' Hamilton's first legal St. Patrick's Day!


The weekend after St. Pat's, we got the news that we are getting this year's most coveted commencement speaker!!! (I should say, the most coveted outside conservative Catholic circles. Don't even get me started on the awful protests that have accompanied this announcement...)


Followed by one of our apartment's favorite visitors:


Finally, March went out with a bang! This year's Barrister's Ball was my favorite Law School event to date, mostly because of the excellent company...









...but also because of my lovely date:



That's my March-in-review. I'm sure I forgot lots of little things that happened along the way, but this post has already taken me too long to write. Back to reading!