Happy Birthday, Facebook

Today is Facebook's five year anniversary. That means that next month is MY five year anniversary on Facebook.

In celebration, here are my five favorite things about Facebook over the years:

1. The large protests every time a new segment of the population was added to facebook. We were like the 4th or 5th school added, and I'm sure there was some sort of protest when a "fake Ivy" was added, but since I've been added I've seen the following groups: "Remember when Facebook was just for Ivies?" "Remember when Facebook was just for private schools?" "Remember when Facebook was just for good schools?" "Remember when Facebook was just for college students?" "Remember when Facebook was just for students?"

Now Facebook is ubiquitous, and I think the change is for the best. How else would I be able to gossip about/stalk my 40-year-old cousins, all the girls I went to high school with who are now knocked up, my sisters' new boyfriends, etc. Not to mention the gads of people I say happy birthday to even though I don't actually remember their birthday from year-to-year (or probably care).

2. The best additions to Facebook over five years: photo albums (and tagging), the wall, Lexulous (the former Scrabbulous), and the news feed (a stalker's delight).

3. The relationship status. I love how on one's Facebook profile, his/her relationship status is the second most important thing there is to know about him/her. Witness the "Information" section on Little Hamilton:

Facebook, you have your priorities just right.

4. Stalking like a pro: Not once, not twice, not three times, but FOUR times today I tried to scour Facebook looking for my favorite parts. Every time I got sucked into stalking people - checking out their prior profile photos, reading their prior statuses, reading other people's comments on their prior statuses, checking out the profile pictures of the people who commented on their prior statuses, etc. Facebook is my drug. I heart it.

5. I once added a "Personality Type" application that made me take a quiz and see what my personality type was. Little Hamilton did the same. Then the application let me take the quiz FOR Little Hamilton to see what personality type I thought she was. The answer? I thought Little Hamilton was my personality type - i.e., I turned her into me. Facebook gets me.

I would like to see Facebook last another five years. Because of that, I'm listing the 5 worst things about Facebook in the hopes that Mark Zuckerberg can banish 'em forever:

1. "I lost my phone" events/groups. The most annoying part of these groups is that the person who asks me to join inevitably never had my phone number to begin with!

2. People who reveal WAY too much information on their Facebook status should be banned from Facebook. My youngest sister is one such person. She needs to learn the proper boundaries. Case in point: "[Bagel's Youngest Sister] wonders: How are we not together? I mean really, think about it. And I thought you were done saying that you wouldn't do that, I guess I was wrong :S." WTF does THAT mean?!?!?

Similarly, I think people who reveal too much information in their Notes section should be sent to sensitivity training. Be sensitive to the fact that not all of your facebook friends want to know your innermost thoughts, and get a blog. Then we only read your stuff voluntarily.

3. What is the point of that garden of weird people application?!?! It's just creepy and pointless.

4. The blue & gray theme is so dreary. Marky Z. you should take a lesson from Google, gmail, and igoogle on having customizable themes. Blue and gray depresses me.

5. Whatever happened to this guy? I'm pretty sure he's lost in cyberspace somewhere. I wish he'd come back - he was dreamy and I want to give him my number.