My New RTD Friend

Last night I rode the Denver public bus (RTD) home, and happened to have a pretty long wait for my bus, during which I was playing on my laptop. Along comes an older gentleman, around 60 years old, who wants to ask if I have a wireless card that gives me reception out there. Before I know what’s going on, he’s telling me all his woes, in a brutally honest fashion that tends to characterize most of the RTD passengers I’ve come across these past two summers. The poor gentleman had missed his first bus – it drove off as he was running down the street hollering after it. So now he had to wait an hour, and he didn’t get the Express bus but he’d have to get the local bus – a much longer walk when he finally gets to Boulder apparently. Then he tells me about how hard these bus rides between downtown Denver and Boulder have been on him. His doctor is in downtown Denver, his doctor who treats him for chronic fatigue syndrome and his heart valves that have given out. Now comes the good part. Now comes the part where he tells me what caused his heart valves to give out – apparently he was “microwaved.”

I thought microwaved referred to how life had treated him poorly and so he felt like he had been cooked by a microwave or something. Turns out, there are men out there who follow you around and who trace your social security number or credit cards, and once they find you, they “microwave” you. They each take a laser that produces ridiculously high magnetic beams and then they “triangulate” and “BOOM!” they kill ya. (apparently this guy was lucky that he didn’t get killed and instead only lost functioning of his heart valves, although he didn’t explain how he managed to luck out) These guys are EVERYWHERE!!!! They are out there killing people all over the place, and the cops and doctors think the people are dying of brain aneurisms. How does my RTD friend know? He carries a police scanner in one of the two large bags at his side and listens to it all day long.

Word on the street is that all these people are dying on account of the Truth. I learned all about the Truth last night. Apparently, the Bush family is actually a huge old mafia family that kills their business partners rather than paying them back. And the Clintons are a crime family too – did you know that Hillary Clinton stole all the money that was supposed to go to Hurricane Katrina victims? Not to mention the fact that it was illegal for both Bush and Kerry to run in the last election because they belonged to a secret subversive society (Skull & Bones). And the Masons are trying to invade the army as well as avoid the draft (despite the fact that we don’t have a draft and they can’t be both joining the army and avoiding the army at the same time). There was a lot more to the Truth, but you get the gist.

It’s all true, he says. Just go look at conspiracyworld.com. And he’s trying to publish it in a book right now. That is, if the men who microwave you don’t get to him first. I sure hope they don’t. Men like him keep RTD interesting.